"Self-love is often rather arrogant than blind; it does not hide our faults from ourselves, but persuades us that they escape the notice of others." - Samuel JohnsonI previously made two posts (technically three) going into Michelle Dickerman's potential for having Narcissistic Personality Disorder, specifically of the Vulnerable or Covert version of the disorder. In these posts I showed videos made by various individuals who are experts in the field of narcissism and mental health. Most of those individuals (Dr. Grande, Dr. Ramani, Dr. Carter) are clinical psychiatrists, with only one (Richard Grannon) being a life coach who treats primarily the victims of narcissistic abuse. I subscribed to all of them as I usually do for any Youtube channels I find helpful regardless of the frequency of viewing, but for the most part my research into the subject of NPD has ceased. Of all those channels I listed Dr. Grande is the only regular one I view, and mainly for his video commentary on mental health related to famous cases - such as his commentary on Michael Jackson and the Leaving Neverland documentary.
The reason that I have largely stopped looking further into NPD is because I have found the answers I needed on the kind of person I am dealing with in Michelle Dickerman. No further revelations on NPD are changing what is going to happen in the future when this dispute meets its final conclusion. What little closure I will get in this dispute has already been found now that I at least understand what I was dealing with. In fact it really only brings about anger when I look into narcissistic personality disorder content now, because it demonstrates how I essentially was navigating a minefield blindfolded all these years. But thanks to being subscribed to these channels every once in awhile something pops up on the feed that catches my attention, and adds further weight of evidence to my case that Michelle Dickerman has Vulnerable Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
The below video by Dr. Ramani Durvasula adds another puzzle piece to Michelle Dickerman's disorder. The video involves a term used by psychiatrists called "Narcissistic Amnesia" or "Abuse Amnesia". This term relates to how narcissists conveniently "forget" things related to their abuse or actions. The "forgetfulness" is very selective, which leads me to believe they don't actually forget. They just tone out anything that contradicts the story they have in their head. After all narcissists think they are wonderful people and they don't want to "remember" anything that contradicts that idea.
Once again information on narcissistic behavior has linked directly back to behavior conducted by Michelle Dickerman. This selective "forgetfulness" has been used by Dickerman to push a narrative that I can prove isn't what she claims. I don't believe for one minute that she's genuinely forgetting things, I think she selectively picks events she chooses to not recall correctly.
A perfect example of this involves the first statements she made in her 2006 Victim Impact Statement. In the opening lines of her statement Michelle Dickerman claimed the following: "It began with notes in my locker for 4 years - notes which started out friendly, quickly turned obsessive, and then angry and insult-laden". This is actually the very same accusation that third parties told me about throughout our high school years - that Michelle Dickerman claimed I was writing her love letters during times when I wasn't writing any letters to her at all. This false rumor she spread was a substantial source of the harassment and bullying I received from her actions during high school. I can prove that what she said in her impact statement was a complete lie, as I have copies of two of her letters from that time period and they do not tell the same story.
I posted sections of those letters in this blog previously as evidence to back up my accusation. You can find that post linked in the post listing, which will be put back up to the top of the blog soon. I will however briefly discuss it here. Both of her letters show that my notes did not "quickly turned obsessive, and then angry and insult-laden" as Dickerman claimed in her statements to the court. Her final letter written in 12th grade even admitted she didn't have any bad feelings on the situation - something you wouldn't say if you experienced letters matching what she claimed in court. Most importantly however, one of the letters prove she wasn't receiving letters all four years of high school like she claimed in 2006.
In one of her letters Michelle Dickerman admits flat out that she thought the situation was resolved because she hadn't heard anything from me for two years. Twice she references a two year gap between communication. So obviously she couldn't have been getting letters from me for four years when in her own handwriting she admits a two year lapse where she thought the entire thing was resolved. With the statements being in her own handwriting it also means that she can't deny her 2006 statement to the court was false.
This isn't a case of some little white lie, it is actually a pretty serious issue. That false claim by her was specifically cited by the prosecution as being one of the reasons justifying their heavy handed actions towards me. In addition as a lawyer Dickerman knew this victim impact statement would be given to the presiding judge when he was making a decision on the plea agreement at the sentencing hearing. I believe it was her intention to distort what happened in the hopes of angering the judge. At the sentencing hearing one of three possibilities would occur based on what my former lawyer told me.
The first possibility would be the judge refusing the plea agreement. Which would result in the prosecution carrying out the threats they previously made, and the presiding judge being replaced by another judge that the prosecution referred to as a "hanging judge". The second potential outcome is that the judge could have accepted the plea agreement, but he could impose additional penalties beyond what was included in the agreement. It would then be on me and the prosecution to either accept or reject the altered agreement (again according to my former attorney). In which case a refusal meant the previous scenario (rejection of the agreement, replacing of the judge, prosecution carrying out their threats) would happen. The third possibility is the judge accepts the agreement with no additional terms, which is what took place in 2006.
I believe the only reason for the third scenario taking place was due to the judge admitting he didn't read her statement until the last minute. By quickly scanning through it before he had to make a decision, he didn't have the time to dwell on her statements. I also believe that the second scenario, the judge imposing additional penalties, is exactly the scenario Dickerman hoped for when she distorted the situation in her impact statement. Given I was already unwilling to accept the agreement as it was (due to being threatened into accepting by both the prosecution and my former attorney), I would have refused the agreement had the judge imposed any additional penalties beyond the garbage that was already in the agreement.
As you can see this is not some innocent act by Michelle Dickerman. It is an act that needs to have repercussions. By making such lies Dickerman increased the damages law enforcement sought to bring against me. Such lies also could have influenced the judge at the sentencing hearing to have inflicted more harm beyond what the prosecution intended. Had the judge instead rejected the plea agreement due to her statements (or had I rejected it if he imposed additional terms), the prosecution would have carried out the threat of multiple felony counts and if convicted I would have been sent to the most violent of the region's prisons (also part of the prosecution's threat). I likely would have been convicted because at the time I didn't have the proof of what Dickerman did to fabricate and tamper with the emails. That proof was not obtained by me until 2007 after fighting to gather what evidence I could after my release from jail.
Being sent to a very violent prison for a conviction based on lies and fabricated evidence by Michelle Dickerman directly endangered not only my physical safety but it also endangered my life. Get the idea why such false statements from her aren't a game now? This is the reason I consider Michelle Dickerman's actions in 2006 to have been an act of violence committed against me. Not only for the months I spent for false imprisonment in jail (while a cakewalk to prison it is still a violent institution) but also for the fact she nearly sent me to a prison that I was warned about by inmates in the jail cell block. I won't relate here the stories I heard about the place, you can likely infer what such stories would be. As I said her actions require consequences and she isn't going to escape from that.
I'm sure Michelle Dickerman tries to excuse such lies by claiming she just didn't correctly remember what happened. Funny how she conveniently "forgot" something in a way that would help her distort the situation into something more than what it was. It wasn't the only lie/exaggeration in her statement, so that makes it less likely this was just a simple case of convenient forgetfulness. Not to mention this isn't the only situation where she has conveniently "misremembered" what happened in order to dismiss something bad she did to me, or to make my actions seem worse than what they actually were. I guess it's possible a narcissist's brain just doesn't retain any information that isn't flattering to them, but no research has been done into this sort of thing to prove that. I really don't believe her "narcissistic amnesia" involves any actual memory loss. I think Michelle Dickerman knew her statements were false when she wrote them, she just pretends to not remember certain things.
As I've said before such information is solely presented to those viewing this blog, especially in the future when this case comes up in the media. There isn't a doubt in my mind that not a single thing I've posted has resulted in any sort of self-reflection or thought from Michelle Dickerman. I guarantee she completely dismissed the idea of being a narcissist or of being wrong without a second thought. Which is exactly what a narcissist would do ironically enough.